Sermon – Family Part 3 Oct. 16, 2005

Series Intro
Today we wrap up a series on the family from Ephesians 5. Our focus is on children.

Family Fudge
It has been said that families are like fudge: At first they are very sweet, but after a while, too much can make you sick, especially if it’s the kind with nuts. I don’t know about your family but mine certainly has a lot of nuts.

Children Obey
Eph 6:1-4
6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 "Honor your father and mother"-which is the first commandment with a promise- 3 "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Children are to obey parents even if we no longer live in the same home. As long as our parents are living we are bound to respect and obey anything that is not a direct violation of God’s word. It is ironic that this scripture comes just before the injunction for slaves to obey their masters. There is a reason we are to obey parents and the clue is given in the next verse: That it may go well with you and you may enjoy long life on the earth. Paul is quoting the promise God gave back in:

Deut 5:16
Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Paul points out that this blessing is not just a natural consequence of obeying wise advice but there is a promise from God connected to obedience. God will bless us when we are obedient to our parents whether their advice seems to make sense or not. We will never be able to follow this command if we do not trust that God is big enough to turn around bad parental advice into something good because we honored His command.

At age 19 I was an immature Christian and had a small view of God’s ability to counteract bad advice. I wanted to take a break in college to travel with the Evangelism Corps through the States spreading the Gospel. My father, who was not a Christian at the time, did not want me to stop my schooling. In fact, he would not finance my future college if I quit then. I felt a non-Christian could not appreciate what I wanted to do so I disobeyed him and left. I will never know what miracle and blessing God would have worked out if I had honored this command to obey my father. If nothing else, perhaps I would not have had to work a job, be involved in ministry, and have a family with children while I finished my last year of school all because I postponed my education in disobeying my father.
God is bigger than our parents’ advice if it seems bad. Obey your parents and trust God to honor you.

Verse four turns the discussion around to how parents are to treat their children.

Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

In fact, we are to treasure our children:

PS 127:3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

PS 127:4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.
PS 127:5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.

MT 18:10 "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.

We are to encourage and bless and hug and love, never to exasperate:

COL 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

MK 10:[16] And he (Jesus) took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

Effective Training
To truly love and honor our children is to train them up in the Lord.

Prov 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Training is so much more then what we tell our kids.

Actions Are Loudest
Our kids are hearing from our words that God loves them and that Jesus is Lord, and deep inside they are hoping it is all true. But they can’t see God to verify our words so they seek validation by another method. If they see us living our faith when we don’t think they are watching, they will conclude Christ to be real. Our life speaks our heart in a hundred ways each day:

-When our kids listen at our closed door, they hear us praying.
-When we are called to the phone they find our Bible lying open where we left it.
-When we come out of the store with too much change because the clerk goofed, they see us go back in to return it.
-When a car cuts us off, the kids witness love in how we talk about the other driver.
-When we leave the room and they look at the rental video box, they see a wholesome rating.
-When we are caught in sin, they see us apologize and ask God for cleansing.

Parents, grandparents, our children are NOT listening to what we say, they are listening to what we do. We cannot lecture, legislate or make legalistic the Christian life, but through meekness, humility and vulnerability must model a Spirit-led life. Hearing the simple words from your lips, “I’m sorry, I messed up. I wasn’t trusting the Lord,” will mature your children faster then a whole library of lesson books or lectures.

Statistics show that 86% of all people that accept Jesus as their personal Savior do so between the ages of 3 and 14. Train them while they are young.

Family Night
One of the best things Dani and I ever did in our family was family night. Focus On
The Family has excellent books on Family Nights that even include activity ideas and lessons. Each week we would take turns choosing the activity. The rules were: no friends, no phone, and no absences. We went miniature golfing, went on hikes, played games, had lessons and prayed. Our kids grew to really look forward to that night and even now they have great memories. Dani and I planned lesson activities.

Toothpaste
Do you want to teach your children to be careful with how they talk to others? Then one family night, give each child a tube of toothpaste and let them squeeze out the entire contents onto newspaper. Let them enjoy and have fun, then ask them to put all the toothpaste back into the tubes. When they figure out it is impossible, explain how it is just like our words. It may be fun to let words squirt out but you can never get them back in, so we should be very careful how we speak to one another.

The Ladder
A father showed his kids why Jesus came to save us. The father put a ladder beside the house and got up on the roof. Then he told the kids that the game was that each of them had to come up to the roof with him, but they could not touch the ladder. So the kids struggled and debated until the youngest said, “Daddy, this is not fair and we can’t do it.” The father only encouraged them to keep thinking and trying. Finally the youngest said, “Daddy, please come down the ladder.” And the father did so. She said, “Daddy, please bend down.” The father did so and the girl jumped up on his back. Then she asked, “Daddy, please climb back up the ladder.” As the father climbed the other children caught on and took their turns at getting a ride to the roof without touching the ladder. This clever father then talked about why Jesus came down from heaven to bring us to the Father. To their dying day, those kids could never forget that lesson.

The point is that in families, learning and growing activities happen every day for the parents who want to SHOW their child how to know God rather than just lecture them.

Letting Go
One of the most difficult things to do as a parent is letting go of our kids when the time is right. While they are young we govern every aspect of their lives. One of my favorite five- year-olds is so trusting of his parents that when he is given food that he is not sure he has eaten before, he asks his parents, “Do I like this?” He trusts them even with what he will like. But how long will that precious, unquestioning, trust continue? Probably not as long as the parents would like.

Another five-year-old came over to our house and wanted to watch one of our Disney videos. I told him we first needed to check with his parents and he promptly took me through a checklist of his parents’ limitations:

-No kissing,
-No bad language where they say "stupid" even if they are joking,
-No dancing where they take their clothes off.

While they are young we can enforce compliance with our rules. But we are each created by God with a free independent will, and we cannot control the beliefs, actions or attitudes of our family for very long. Spouses and children must make their own decisions for or against obedience to Jesus. Our responsibility is to do all we can to encourage them and pray for them but we share none of their guilt if they reject Jesus. It is ok to grieve for their loss, but not to accept their guilt. The role model for us in seeking the salvation of our loved ones is found in our Heavenly Father himself and beautifully expressed in the parable of the prodigal son.

LK 15:11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. [12] The younger one said to his father, `Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

You know the rest of the story. The father gave the son the freedom he asked for and let him go off until he had squandered his wealth and bankrupted his life. The Bible says that later the son came to his senses and returned:

Lk 15: [20] …"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

And the father said:
[24] For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'

That is how our Heavenly Father loves us, but lets us choose and fail if necessary. That is how we must let our children choose. We must let them go.
Hope for Broken Homes
Some here today are single, others come from broken homes. Some are unloved by their families. I want to encourage you with the perspective of Jesus. Even though Jesus loved His earthly family, He knew that His true family was those in the church.

MT 12:48 He replied to him, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" [49] Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. [50] For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother."

So if you are feeling lost and without a family today, take heart and look around, because you are sitting with your dearest brothers and sisters who will love you in ways that your earthly family never can.

Where to Now
It really does not matter what situation you find yourself in today. It doesn’t matter what the past has been, whether you are from a disrupted home, or even a strong home. Whatever your situation, today, all things are new. You are given an opportunity to forget what lies behind and start fresh with loving your family with all of God’s strength.

PHP 3:13 … one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, [14] I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Forget the past, strain toward what is ahead. Commit to loving your earthly family with renewed strength. Love them, be patient with them, demonstrate the grace that was demonstrated to you. Have fun, love, laugh, have food fights. If you don’t have a family, thank God for this Christian family right here.