Sermon – Family Part 1 Oct 2, 2005

Series Intro

Today we are beginning a new series on the family from Ephesians 5 & 6. The divorce rate in America is greater than 50%--even among Christian couples. Divorce breaks covenants, it shreds hearts, it mutilates families; it is against God’s will. We need help and there is no family counselor, self-help book, or seminar that will bring as much success as living according to what God’s Word says about families. Today’s session will be on wives. In future weeks we will focus on husbands and children.

God Created Marriage
Before we head into Ephesians, let’s put marriage into its context. God created marriage in the very beginning of time. The King James Version says:

(Gen 2:24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

I had an old bible school professor the used to say, “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall take a cleaver to his wife.”

Archetype of Relationship with God
God had a special purpose in mind when He created marriage. All through the Bible God has placed clues called archetypes. These are living metaphors intended to impart deep truth into our lives. Examples:

Jonah type of Christ
Snake Moses lifted up type of Christ
Abraham/Isaac ram in the thicket type of Christ
Egyptian bondage type of bondage to sin
Passover lamb type of Christ
Jewish temple type of our body as temple of God

Even things like day and night are archetypes of how we now live in the night but heaven will be our day. Marriage is an archetype of the relationship God intends to have with us.

ISA 54:5 For your Maker is your husband--
the LORD Almighty is his name--

ISA 62:5 As a young man marries a maiden,
so will your sons marry you (God);
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.

HOS 2:19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.

HOS 2:20 I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.

For some there is no better way to learn how to love, sacrifice, give, receive, walk together, transfer joys and burdens than for a man and a woman to cleave together. The archetype is a shadow of what is to come. So the Passover lamb was a mere shadow while Jesus was the substance which created the shadow. Marriage is the shadow and our relationship with God is the substance.

The beautiful thing about marriage is the more we learn how to love God, the more love God gives us in our marriage. Marital love and heavenly love; the two keep feeding each other like a nuclear reaction. But remove either of the two elements and both sides grow cold.

Do you want the greatest marital advice of all time for free and in just two words? Here it is: Love God. The reason Christian marriages crumble is that, even though there may have been a profession of Christ as Savior, one or both parties are not growing close to God. Show me an on-fire Christian and I’ll show you a person who loves his or her spouse. As we said, the divorce rate among the average Christian couple is one in two. The divorce rate among Christians that regularly pray together is one in 1,052. Marriage helps us learn to love God, and loving God helps us love our spouses.

To the Unmarried
Before we move into Paul’s specific advice to wives let me make a couple of comments about being single.

MT 19:10 The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

MT 19:11 Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. [12] For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

Paul helps us understand why Jesus said this:

1CO 7:32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. [33] But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- [34] and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. [35] I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

The bottom line here is that some will grow closer in their heavenly marriage with God by finding an earthly spouse to practice on (Poor spouse!). But others will grow closer in their heavenly marriage to God by staying single in this life. Each one must trust God to guide them on how they were made. The goal is always to maximize growth in our relationship with the Holy Spirit. Single people should not feel like they are getting cheated out of anything. Jesus is the best soul-mate you could ever ask for. Take joy!

Wives to Husbands
EPH 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

The woman’s subordination to man was not part of the original creation; neither is it to be part of the future creation in paradise. The history of this goes back to the fall in the garden. The subordination of women was part of the curse on the world. Listen:

Gen 3:16-19
16 To the woman he said,

"I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
with pain you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you."

17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'

"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food

The price of sin for the woman was childbirth pain and subordination. The price for the man was cursed ground and hard labor. One day these curses will be removed.

Rev 22:1-3
22:1 Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb 2 down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. 3 No longer will there be any curse.

When the curse is lifted Eve and every woman after her will be freed from subordination. In the kingdom of God we are all equal:

Gal 3:26-28
26 You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Paul is talking about our position in Christ and our future in paradise. Just as Paul instructed slaves to submit to their societal position as slaves and yet know in their hearts they were free in Christ, so he tells women they must submit to the subordinate position of the curse and know in their hearts they are equal in Christ. This is the key to the Christian life: Accept our external conditions while dwelling with joy and freedom in Christ in our inner being. Paul talks about our dual existence under the curse in:

Rom 8:18-23
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

One day God will fully emancipate women, for now we must accept the effects of the curse brought on by our own sin. But that does not mean men should take advantage of women. We accept the curse on men of hard labor but we do not add to its difficulties. Just so, we should not add to women’s curse but resist the oppression of women. We have more opportunity to treat women equally in our culture than Paul did. When he wrote the words of Ephesians 5 he had to balance the equality of women against a godly respect for the extremely chauvinistic culture in which he lived. I praise God for how far our nation has come because when it comes to women’s rights, much of the world is still back in the first century.

Matthew Henry said it well: Eve was taken from Adam's side: not from his head, to rule over him: not from his feet to be trampled under him, but from under his heart, to be loved, cherished and protected by him. We will talk a lot more about this next week when Paul addresses husbands.

Ideas from Dani
As I was writing this sermon, my wife slipped a note into my office before she headed off to work.

“Dear Don,
I just wanted to wish you a great, productive day!
All my love! Dani
PS You are in my prayers today – all day.”

Proverbs tells us:

PR 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD.

I know I have favor from the Lord in my wife. Knowing what a great wife I have in spite of how much grief I have given her, I asked Dani for insights on loving a difficult husband. I asked her how wives can best carry out Paul’s concluding injunction down in:

EPH 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Here are her suggestions for effectively respecting and loving a husband:

Pray for your husband. In the sermon notes, Dani has provided a list of 30 ways you can pray for him from Stormie Omartian’s book, The Power of a Praying Wife. Dani warns that as you pray, you need to be open to how God’s wants to change your heart in some matters, not always your husband’s.
Spend as much time letting God enhance you inside as you do the outside.

1 PET 3:[3] Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. [4] Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

While what is inside you is by far most important, don’t neglect the outside either. Keep fit and in good health and if the barn, needs paintin’, paint it!
Learn about the inherent differences between men and women and learn to work with those differences instead of always fighting them. Books such as The Five Love Languages and Men are from Mars, Women from Venus are a great help.
Be encouraged that, whether he notices your efforts or not, you are loving your husband because of God’s love in you. Either way, keep on loving him for God’s sake.

Conclusion
Finally there is my advice we mentioned earlier: Love God. Put Him first and let His love overflow into your marriage.

Extra Stuff
In Stormie Omartian’s book, The Power of a Praying Wife, she dedicates a chapter to each of the following suggestions:

Pray for yourself and a change in your attitude towards your husband
Pray for his work
Pray for his finances
Pray for his sexuality
Pray for his affection
Pray for his mind
Pray for his fears
Pray for his purpose
Pray for his protection
Pray for his trials
Pray for his integrity
Pray for his walk
Pray for his talk
Pray for his repentance
Pray for his deliverance
Pray for his obedience
Pray for his self-image
Pray for his faith
Pray for his future
Pray for his choices
Pray for his health
Pray for his protection
Pray for his reputation
Pray for his priorities
Pray for his relationships
Pray for his fatherhood
Pray for his past
Pray for his attitude
Pray for his marriage
Pray for his emotions