For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind… Rom 7:22-23Spiritual growth only comes to me with bloody inner violence. I find my old nature is wily and unwilling. One of his tricks is showy enthusiasm for Biblical head knowledge. He encourages me to memorize the B-attitudes and be conversant on their historical interpretations but his slimy goal is preoccupation from ever living out even the first B-attitude, to be poor in spirit.
Another Mr.-Sin-Nature-tactic is to read the Bible too quickly. He will not hold still under the stinging poultice of a few chosen words and instead prefers entertainment by the storyline. I am learning how the real me can tackle the unruly urchin and sit on him.
I begin in a place where I am alone with Jesus. I ask where I need the most heart-work then read no more than a chapter of scripture. How I choose where to read matters little; God can maneuver any method to get me where He wants. I find He consistently points me to exactly what I need. Next, I let the Spirit highlight the handful of words on which He wants me to focus. I wrestle my squirming nature and pin him under those words until he squeals, “I give.” Repentant prayer and brief journaling knock the final wind out of the monster.
I have to repeat this process each morning. After years of letting the sin nature run wild, he thinks he can poke his spoiled nose into every good thought or conversation with Father. Only when I am methodical and strong-handed does he simmer down. As long as I have to co-inhabit with the sin-brat I will not be able to shut him up, but at least Grace forces him to sit in the corner where he belongs. I need Grace in my house at every hour. Not only does Grace pardon my keeping the other unwelcome guest, He also helps me baby-sit the little wretch.
Prayer: Lion of Judah, this is war. Help me overcome myself.
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