Sermon – Family Part 2 Oct. 9, 2005

Intro
We are in week two of a series on the family from Ephesians. Last week we looked at the guidelines for wives. This week we will focus on husbands.

Husbands to Wives
While we read this, I need a male volunteer to count the words in verses 25 through 33 and a female volunteer to count the words in verses 22 through 24, which we studied last week. We will come back to that count in just a moment.

EPH 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [28] In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. [29] After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church‑‑ [30] for we are members of his body. [31] "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." [32] This is a profound mystery‑‑but I am talking about Christ and the church. [33] However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Servant-Leadership
(Compare word counts.) Paul uses twice the number of words to encourage husbands to love wives as he does for wives to submit. The message is that if we will love our wives properly, they will gladly defer to our spiritual leadership. At first glance the Bible may seem a bit one-sided in favor of men having a role of superiority. But that view does not take into account the Bible’s description of servant-leadership. In God’s economy, the one who is last is first and the one who is first is last. The call for the husband to lead is a call for a man who cares more deeply, serves harder, protects at greater risk, and provides with diligence for those he loves. There is no room for self-centered, abusive, controlling behavior in God’s head of household. When Jesus talks about leadership in God’s kingdom it looks very different from typical human leadership.

John 13:12-15
12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. 13 "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.

Suddenly family leadership does not look like such an enviable position. It is not; it is a position of servant-hood out of love.

Family Hero
Christ’s husbandry to us is the model of our love for our wives. We are to love our wives just as Christ loved us. Let us examine this for a minute. Christ was our hero. We were in a most pathetic and disastrous situation with our feet mired down in sin and eternal death. Jesus rode onto the enemy infested battleground, sought us out, wooed and courted us from the enemy’s clutches, died for us, and delivered us safely to His Father. I tell you that is heroism. Husbands, we are to love our wives heroically. It is unlikely we will need to give our life but it is just as heroic to die for her in a hundred ways daily. For instance:

-It is heroic to get out of bed and change the baby’s diaper rather that holding still and pretending you are asleep.

-It is heroic to patiently draw her out to talk about what is wrong rather then flipping on the game and assuming that she will cool off if you give her space. And remember, once she starts talking don’t offer advice, JUST LISTEN.

-It is heroic to defend your wife by speaking only good of her in front of others.

-It is heroic to encourage her to develop her interests even if it means you must go to the PTA meeting alone.

-It is heroic to take her hand and ask her to pray with you and lead the family spiritually.

Heroic love creatively seeks out ways to make life better for your mate. It is precisely what Christ has been doing for us.

I also have examples of what not to do. One time Dani and the kids were sleeping together and I scattered flower petals across the bed so they would wake up thinking the floral-ferries had visited. Instead, Dani woke up screaming because she was sure bugs had invaded them.

Another time I was trying to be creative and rigged a happy birthday sign over the doorway. The plan was that as she opened the door balloons and confetti would fall down. Instead, she came home at night and freaked out when all this unexpected stuff fell on her in the dark.

Once I thought she needed some laughter in her life. On April 1st I set all the clocks back an hour including her watch and the clock in her car. When she awoke, she ran around like crazy to get the kids ready and fly out the door. She pushed the kids into the hands of the stunned daycare worker and rushed off to work. She finally called me and said, “Very funny!” I asked her where she was and she said, “Sitting at my desk in an empty office.” I had no idea it would go that far before she caught on. My mission failed because Dani was not laughing. Being married to me ain’t no picnic.

Being a hero to our wives requires creativity, tenacity, and courage. Just like Jesus, we need to be willing to get down into whatever dark and gloomy hole our wife finds herself and comfort her, encourage her, and carry her out on our prayers.

Family Priest
We are to be servant-leaders and heroes but also priests, just as Jesus is our High Priest. Let’s read verses 26 & 27 again:

EPH 5:[26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

These are priestly duties and, to the extent it depends on us, the task of bringing our families cleansed and holy to Christ is ours. The role of a priest is to act as a go-between. We are to pray for our families and take on the ordained responsibility of showing them how God’s love applies to their specific troubles. Men, take charge and listen to your family’s problems, put your hand on their hurt or head, and pray aloud for them. As family priest, invoke God’s help. He hears those prayers and will act. But you must represent your family and intercede on their behalf. In too many homes, the woman has to assume this role. A real man, a heroic husband and father, courageously calls his troops together and prays over them.

Guard Your Expectations
Last week we said how marriage is an archetype or shadow of our primary relationship with God. I want to emphasize again the primacy of our marriage to God. Many people find themselves in a bitter marriage because they expect their spouse to meet needs and fulfill their life in a way only God can. A marriage partner cannot deliver life fulfillment, constant love, or meet all our needs. God alone fills those holes. When partners have expectations that their spouse will meet their needs they are in for major disappointment.

I read a newsletter this week about a women in Satwasheela Sahare, India who became a Christian while her husband opposed her conversion from Islam. He took to beating her. She writes, “Every time my husband hits me and injures my face with a rod, I say the name of the Lord. After he’s done beating me, I pray for the bleeding to stop and for the Lord to attend to me.”

The newsletter went on, “This sister of ours suffers terrible beatings from her husband because she decided to follow Christ, however, she doesn’t plan on abandoning her faith, nor her husband. It’s really hard for me to imagine this situation. I want to scream, ‘Leave your husband!’ But, after reflecting a little, I saw that maybe the biggest difference between her and me is her commitment to be totally obedient to God in every part of her life no matter what the cost.”

As we said last week, oppression of women should be opposed whenever we have the opportunity. But this woman teaches us to live without expectations on our spouse. She derives 100 percent of her fulfillment, love, and provision from God; therefore, she stays married in a hostile marriage and joyous in her inner being. This applies to all of us: women, men, and singles. Don’t place expectations on others which only God can fulfill. Go to Jesus as the source of real life and let His joy spill into your marriage.

Source of Satisfaction
We guys often think if only my wife had a little more _____ and a little less ______ (you fill in the blanks). Solomon had 1,000 wives and concubines selected for their beauty and royal decent. I don’t know how he found time to even say hi to each of them once a year. My wife and I get so busy we have to email each other to stay in touch. This guy had it all and yet Solomon’s conclusion was this:

Eccl 1:1-2
The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem:

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

Then there was the Samaritan woman who tried to find satisfaction in five different husbands and finally a live-in boyfriend. Jesus demonstrated a living metaphor to her with the water in the well they were sitting by. He showed her that the things of this world, including her marriages, could never quench her deepest thirst. Listen:

John 4:13-14
13 Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Again I say, Let Jesus fill you in all things and let His artesian spring of never ending living water spill over into your marriage.

Conclusion
Men, lead in servant-hood, love heroically, act as priest. And to everybody, tap into the eternal spring and get your thirst quenched by Jesus.